Tuesday, 16 August 2011


Freelancing is utterly ACE. Why did no one tell me to do this before? I enjoy the way I can write things like that even though lots of my friends did, in fact, tell me to go freelance. Some of them have been on about it for ages in fact. But it's my blog and therefore I can shift blame whenever I like. Ha.

Lolling on the sofa in just my pants, typing at a coffee table (no H&S 'assessments' here, no siree), singing along to whatever is on MTV... And all of this while doing Actual Work? A-maz-ing. This is my office now and you know what: it may be just my lounge; it may be full of Marlboro Lights, coffee, a fat fuzzball and a cheap laptop. But it's mine and I am free. I mean, not totally free. Obviously. I still need to actually do the work and pay bills and all of that boring shite. But I may have found my niche. Or at least A niche.

So, in between pondering the best way to extricate myself from underneath several pounds of lardy cat flesh every five minutes, I have worked out my New Diet. It is, as previously stated, not Dukan based. I think Dukan is (and I know you're going to be shocked) a bit of a quack. He's talking bollocks. Any diet that renders you unable to move, think or defecate normally cannot be right. And that's the last words on any kind of bowel habits I assure you. Actually, it's probably not if I'm totally honest. Just shut your eyes for those bits.

New Diet consists of eating healthily, low carbs but lots of vegetables and fruit, booze once a week. And the P90 exercise programme. I don't really know what this is or where it came from. Apparently a P90 is some kind of gun, so it's beyond me why it's called that. It's basically circuit training, six days on, one day off. And it's pretty good so far. Two days in and I'm feeling, well, in loads of pain actually, but quite HARD with it. There was kicking and boxing. I like kicking and boxing. The dude in it is quite annoying and very American. He looks like a Ken doll and says: "bam" a lot as you're doing movements. Odd.

Still, onwards with the quest to complete task Fat Girl Thin...

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