I haven't been running for about three weeksish. Possibly a bit longer.
If any of you have been concentrating at all then clearly you should ignore that whole: I'm going to run every day for a year post.
My speciality is declaring things and then failing to live up to them it seems.
I got sick a few weeks ago and stopped running because if I had run I think it's not exaggerating to state that my sinuses would have actually exploded. It was hard enough getting through my various jobs and coming home to die in between. And then, like all good habits, it was extremely easy to break.
How is it that bad habits - smoking, drugs, food, inappropriate men - are so difficult to break. Impossible even, apparently. Actually the food thing is pretty easy at the moment. Safe to say eating is not high on my agenda right now.
But you get my point. All of those things, the nice things, the fun things are bad. And the good habits - running, cleaning, doing all the shit that's stacked up to do - you miss one and then it's like: ahhhhh fuck it.
For three weeks I've been convincing myself that I'm too busy, too tired, too whatever to run. Or I have to just finish this thing first. Considering that this thing is crocheting a pug (don't judge me) and I'm a total beginner clearly that's going to take some time. I've become an expert in procrastination. I haven't tidied my bedroom for about two months. I'm living like a teenager. Going to bed at 4am. Drinking too much. No schedule. No routine. Crashing from one minor disaster to another. Oh hang on, no, that's just how I've lived my ENTIRE life.
But no more. I have had a rather upsetting conversation with someone this morning that has, once again, made me question mankind in general, and men in particular. So fuck em. Fuck it. I'm just going to run. I'm not going to sit here and think about all of this bullshit. I'm going to run till I puke. And then I'm going to run some more.