Monday, 9 January 2012

Brrrrrring, brrrring, brrrring, brrriiinnng

In the middle of my surprisingly work-filled day of many phone calls, clients, photoshoots (sadly the writing will have to be done tonight methinks) I had a call from an unknown number. Absolutely nothing unusual there, I phone at least 20 people every day who I don't know.

"Hello, Debbie speaking"

"Hiiiiii. It's Jassssson here from PPIreclaimingrobbingbastardsplc"


"I'm not interested, thank you"

And there it should have ended, no? I do sympathise (to a very small degree) that people in call centres and who work for money grabbing scam fuckers are just trying to earn some money and it's not their fault etc etc yada yada. BUT, as soon as the person they are harrassing says: "I'm not interested, thank you" that should be the end of it.

And yes, I was actually that polite. I can be polite even when being cold called by a tosser in the middle of a busy day.

"So you don't want your money?" goads the J-man.

"There is no money Jayyyyson." I lilt in a disturbing sing song voice.

"Oh, you've never had insurance in the last 12 years? Hmmm?" Oh, he's sceptical now. Thinks he can appeal to my innate sense of undeserved entitlement, does he?

I can't believe it. I'm having an argument about missold PPI with a numbnut fool over the phone when I need to be phoning clients. I don't even know what PPI is. But I'm pretty sure there isn't a vast pile of cash with my name on it sitting somewhere just waiting for Jayyyyyyyson from Robbing Cunts & Son to liberate it for me.

"There is no money. You're wasting my time." Cutting tones. That'll show him.

"Fine," says Jason.

And I can sense it's the beginning of the end of me and Jase. Our entire relationship flashes before my eyes. I remember the good times (just before he spoke for the first time) and the bad (about five minutes ago) and I grow a little misty eyed. All that we've shared. Was I just going to let him walk out of my life? And then.

"Fine," he says. "I'll just take your money and give it to charity."

Well. Well, I never. Never have I been threatened in such a manner. How. Dare. He? Threaten me with taking money I didn't even know I had and, oh it's just too awful, give it to CHARITY?

"Take it ALL Jason and buy yourself a FUCKING mars bar." I said.

Then I slammed the phone down.

I hope he phones back.


  1. Imre Klaatu naruat.
    Makro pluval barata lukdenso impeclit.
    Niya votari axo proclektio berengi daegus.
    ( Goto llamamode on Match and/or email me )
    ( PS I hate Match's like a straitjacket :P )

  2. that's creepy. please leave me alone.