No. I don’t have any ID. Do you know why I don’t have any
ID? Because I’m thirty-fucking-six-years-old. I didn’t need ID when I was
buying booze and fags as a 14 year old, so I’m fucked if I know why I’m
constantly being asked to provide it now.
I don’t have any photo ID because I don’t drive, since you
ask. And, no, I will not be bringing my passport into One Stop in order to be
allowed to buy a £5 bottle of wine. You twats.
This happened to me on Saturday. I had had a trying day and
felt like some wine. Even though I apparently can’t drink it without feeling
nauseous. The risk seemed worth it. Anyway, I went to the counter and was met with the now familiar dead eyed stare of a cashier who is going to ask me for
ID. And who is not going to let it go.
“Have you got any ID?”
“No. I’m 36”
“Well, I can’t sell it to you.”
“I’m sorry. Perhaps you didn’t hear me. I’m THIRTY-SIX years
old. In four years I will be FORTY. I don’t have ID because I don’t drive and
I’m not bringing my passport in to have the privilege of buying some shitty
cheap wine.”
“Well, it’s not my fault.”
I decided to challenge this as I was pretty sure it was her fault.
“Do you
literally ID everyone?”
“Everyone
who could be under 25.”
“Look at
me. LOOK AT ME. Do you REALLY, HONESTLY think I could POSSIBLY be under 25?”
She sold me
the wine. Begrudgingly. As if she was doing me the biggest favour ever.
Then
something struck me. “So it’s still legal to drink at 18?”
“Yes.”
“But you
have to be 25 to buy it?”
“No, you
have to look 25.”
Flaw in the system, surely? I’ve seen with my own eyes
plenty of teenage girls who could easily pass for a 45 year old WAG and
therefore can presumably purchase their Apple Sours with aplomb, but a
young(ish) looking mid-thirties person gets treated like a fecking criminal
trying to buy emergency wine.
And surely it’s completely subjective anyway? When I worked
in the pub, I had to ID people. But 80% of the customers looked about 12 to me.
I can’t tell ages very well at all. Neither, let’s face it, could this lady.
Anyway. I got my wine. And yes, it did make me feel sick.
But also drunk. So that’s good.
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