When I was a kid I became briefly obsessed with the Titanic. And what happened to it. And how those poor people must have suffered so much. I was a weird kid.
It wasn't the scale of the disaster, exactly, it was the fear of the dying that obsessed me. I read loads of books and found out everything I could. In the days before Google this was quite a mission. I imagined how terrifying the moment must have been when it struck the iceberg. And the rage people must have felt against the 'unsinkable ship' bullshit nonsense they were span. I mean, I'd have been well pissed off and considering composing and extremely strong letter to White Star. If I hadn't drowned in an icy grave that is.
I even watched James Cameron's Titanic. Not at the cinema though. I couldn't stomach Leo in those days. And I was not at all impressed in general. I liked all the usual stock Titanic things - all the Oirish paupers having a marvellous time below decks while all the rich toffs were mean to each other over champagne upstairs. I'm sure that's exactly how it was.
I hated the love story. Obviously. I mean, who didn't? I would have been quite happy had someone pushed Winslet off her raft. Which, by the way, was patently big enough for Leo as well. She clearly didn't want to be saddled with some oik in real life. She was probably well relieved when the whole disaster occurred. Got her out of a right sticky sitch. No one had to know she'd been whoring it up like Lady Chatterley.
Anyway, Cameron's epic schmoozefest killed my fascination somewhat.
And then, this year. Every day there's a new documentary/film/mini-series/special coverage. James Cameron telling us all again that he totally like loves the whole shebang. Leo and Kate are back in the cinema, in glorious 3D this time. Careful Kate's norks don't poke your eye out when they're (oh so terribly realistically) standing at the front of the ship. Real people really died on the Titanic. How about leaving them in peace?
Oh, 2012. How very tedious you are. You just had to be the 100th anniversary of the Titanic disaster didn't you?And it's not just that. Oh no siree. Loads more. I am sick, sick, SICK of hearing about the Olympics, about Euro 2012 and about the fucking arsing Jubilee.
I wish I could sleep through this whole fecking year, or at least until about September when all this shit'll be over. I won't have to pretend to give a flying fuck about the Queen living forever and ever and ever. Or a grandstanding sporting event that is only about money, sponsorship and corruption it seems. And, really? We really needed to host the fucking Olympics during the worst recession since the 70s? REALLY?
So, no, I don't want to watch a commemoration concert for the sinking of the Titanic featuring fucking Jamie Cullum and Katie fucking Melua. I don't want to watch a sporting event partnered by MacDonalds and sponsored by Coca Cola. I don't want to go to a street party filled with people replicating some kind of faux-patriotic monarchism that was last in existence in 1953. And that was probably only because people really wanted to go a street party and have cake cos of the rationing.
Just. Stop. All of it. Now.
Personally I'm hanging in there for 21 December 2012 and the Mayan's date with doom. Now that would be worth a street party.