Tuesday, 10 April 2012

So I'm just going to come out and say it...

I'm lonely. God damn it, I am lon-e-ly. Truth is, I've done the frenetic bit. I've done the whole moving and sorting and fingers crossed I'll like the house bit. And I'm just... here. In fact, it's three weeks to the day since I got here. And yes, York is a beautiful city. Well, parts of it. Parts of it are a bit like Coventry. But I suppose there are parts of every city that are a bit like Coventry. The innate Coventryness of places is something that cannot be escaped from, it seems.

I like my house. It's nice. But it's not wonky and cold and weird like my old place. I miss the rattling, ill fitting windows and the sounds of people screaming their drunken way home at night. I miss bumping into 20 people I know on the way to the paper shop. I miss meeting my friends for lunch. I miss Jephson Gardens. I miss the tramps in Jephson Gardens. I miss the Clarendon. I miss post boxes. There are very few post boxes in York. Why? Why is that? I miss the lady in the paper shop on Regent Street. I miss Toni from the cookshop next door. I miss The Saus... ok, so I don't miss The Sausage. I do miss Moo though. In fact, I miss going out with my friends. I haven't met any here yet.

I'm lucky that the people at my new job are very nice and welcoming. That's a good thing. And having an office to go to again is pretty cool. I like being able to sit up properly to write. I near crippled myself working from my sofa this past year. I do love Oscar the office dog.

Truth is, I've gone a wee bit shy. Going out seems a bit daunting. I'm not normally shy. Perhaps I've used up all my bravery with the whole moving thing. It has depleted my reserves of, well, everything. I suddenly feel like I don't know how to make friends. It all seems a bit, well, much.

Someone said to me that I'd find out who my real friends are when I've been away for a while. And it has to be said that there are people I thought I would have heard from, and haven't. And people that I never thought I'd hear from and I have.

I'm just waiting for the day I wake up and my first thought isn't: "When am I going home?"

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