This is one of many retarded opening lines from men on match.com. One corker was: I'd lik 2 cum on ur tits. We're getting married next week.
Online dating is a crock. For every story that someone's told you about their mate who went on one date, fell in love and married them, there's thousands of people like me plugging away on the basis that there must be some kind of law of averages or some vague scientific shit that states if you really try you get rewarded in the end.
Course, we know that's not true, don't we kids? Fact is, trying and trying quite often gets you precisely nowhere. Particularly when dealing with knobheads.
I was awake at 5am due to extreme rage. I've never actually woken up with my heart beating so fast that it actually hurt. But I guess there's a first time for everything. The reason for my extreme rage is not worth mentioning. But the point is, I was awake. So, obviously I went on the internet. What else do you do when you can't sleep?
And I logged onto match. It's become more of a weird hobby now, reading the utter bullshit that comes from these guys. I'm assuming there are some normal people on there, but they don't seem to be drawn to my profile. Perhaps it's the lack of using 'lol' and calling people 'hun' that puts them off.
It's possible people are wondering why I spend money on this bizarre sort of hobby. It's £30 a month. Or it was, the first month, at the end of which I phoned the man up to tell him to immediately desist and close down my account. Then he offered it to me for £7 a month, which is less than a packet of fags so I thought, what the hey? Why not?
This morning as soon as I logged on there were the usual messages in foreign languages, the odd ' u r fit' and the usual insulting one. And then a guy said: 'do you like spending time with interesting people?'. Sometimes I get so annoyed with the fatuous, inane crap that gets sent to me, that I reply.
I said: 'what kind of stupid question is that?' on the basis that I couldn't work out what kind of answer anyone would give such a banal and idiotic question.
He said:'lol. It's a sex question. You know sweetie.'
He'd obviously not picked up my contempt through my reply. Turns out a lot of these inane questions are code for: 'fancy fucking a total stranger?'. Who knew? Don't mention that in the fucking advert do they?