Quite an experience to live in fear isn’t it? That’s what it means to be a slave...
All those moments will be lost in time. Like tears in rain. Time to die.
This is how I feel right now. About life, about death, about everything. I can’t even put into words how exactly this encapsulates the futility and anger and sadness and grief and hope that makes up the human condition. But it does. And if you don’t feel something profound and deep within you when watching this then you’re most likely dead inside.
This is why words, writing and art mean something to me. They make me feel something bigger than myself. They give me perspective and they give me hope. Just words put in the right order can do more for me than any amount of positive thinking self help therapy based bullshit.
I’m going to spend any spare time I have over the next few weeks watching films that make me feel like this, reading books that make me feel like this and writing words that make me feel like this.
Because fuck this shit of drowning in the morass of bureaucratic shite that I’m dealing with. Fuck waiting for people to help me. Fuck hospitals, operations and ovaries. Fuck money and lack of it. Fuck working stupid hours. Fuck it all. I need some succour. And, as usual, it’s words that will give that to me.