Yeah man. So I've been a whinging bag of piss for a while now, right? It's comical in a way. I am one big ball of futile rage against a system that I can't win against and against fate or whatever the fuck keeps destroying my health. BUT. But.
Steps have been taken. Oh yes they have. One thing I don't do, at least, is fail to change a crappy situation in at least one way. Usually two. And the fact that I walk into another one is neither here nor there. Someday my luck will change. I mean, it just will.
So, what I've done is this. I've quit my full time job. And no, I don't have one to go to. Wait a second - I know that might seem like the world's most retarded decision but it really isn't. I mean, look at Kim Kardashian. She's having a baby with Kanye West for fuck's sake. That's the worst decision ever made by man or beast since time immemorial. Basically, I can't continue working the hours I've been working and retain any semblance of sanity. So I'm doing something about it.
I don't know how I will make money, but will continue freelancing and find some kind of part time job on the side. So that's one thing sort of sorted - more time, less work means less exhaustion and more positive action.
NHS wise I'm filing a formal complaint with some advice from a friend who is also a doctor and is being ace. Treatment wise I'm going to see a private consultant next week to advise me on what treatment will actually, I dunno, help me. This has also been with the help of two very good friends who are always ace and have been yet again.
Therapy wise I have given up on the NHS who apparently put me on a list about 10 months ago. I have now taken it into my own hands and landed a volunteer gig with the first doggy day care centre in York, which means in about five weeks time at least one day week will be spent COVERED IN PUPPIES AND DOGS. From experience I know that being around animals is more balm to my soul than any amount of actual therapy. It's basically a big play area for dogs. With a separate fenced off play area for puppies and wee dogs who are scared of the rampagingness of all the big dogs yamping around. And their owners will drop them off in the morning and people like me will basically entertain them in whatever way they fancy (cuddles, food, exercise, play... mostly cuddles) and will also take time to lie down in the puppy area and have them crawl all over me every now and again. And then their owners will pick them up at the end of the day and take them home and it'll be like I have like a dozen pet dogs and I don't have to be dogless anymore. And it's about the most exciting thing that's happened to me since my parents decided to get a dog in 1985. I can't freaking WAIT.
Social life wise... well, I'm working on it. I'm showing a disturbing lack of ability to socialise at all at the moment which can't be good for me, but then at the same time, is it that bad? If I had a partner it wouldn't even be a thing. Plenty of people I know in long term relationships rarely socialise, it's only because I'm constantly single that I feel a certain pressure to go out all the time, you know, in case I forget how to speak to human beings or anything. Or in case my prince is waiting for me down at that bar that everyone goes to and that I've been to a million times but maybe he is there tonight and I should go in case I miss out on the dream. But I just can't be arsed.
Luckily I have developed a hardcore of mates who are lovely and happy to hang out one on one or two on one and drink tea and talk about stuff. Which is pretty much all I need right now. That and Fatman. Somehow just his face as lolls about the place like a fur-covered baby manatee makes my heart lighter.
So, all in all, things are pretty good considering everything. You know. Could be worse and all that. And especially PUPPIES AND DOGS ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS VERY VERY SOON. I am slightly worried I'll spontaneously combust from the sheer DELIGHT. But what an excellent way to go.