Saturday, 3 August 2013

Dreaming of mist and mellow fruitfulness

I tried. I really tried to like this weather but I just fucking hate it. I wish someone would explain to me what they enjoy about the thick, sticky air quality that makes everything oppressive and sweaty.

What is it you like about sweating every time you move? What is it exactly that you enjoy about the smell of people? The ones who don't seem to like to shower very often. You know the ones I mean. You're in a shop, say, and you're queuing behind someone. And it's so sticky and hot and sweaty. And all you want to do is buy your shit and get out of there to try and find some fresh air and you're stuck behind that guy. The one who smells off. Just off. Like off milk and body odour. The one who, on closer inspection, has dry, crusty patches under his arms.

Or how about if you have to take a bus. And you're stuck on a vehicle for a set amount of time. All the while sweat dripping off you and everyone around you. And then someone wedges themselves right up next to you and they're suddenly all you can smell.

Or maybe you're running by the river and you come across the barbecue spot. You can tell it's where everyone has their barbecues because of all the detritus they shed. Empty beer cans, fag ends, crisp wrappers, shit everywhere. That's a nice side effect of summer.

As is the smell from the drains. You can tell you live in an ancient town and that some areas are still functioning on ancient sewer systems. You can tell because it smells worse than the Arno in mid summer. Clouds of pestilential malodorous microbes all up in your face.

Or you get up at 5.30 am to go for a run before it gets too hot and it's already too fucking hot.

Or you buy an ice cream and you don't even have time to eat it, god dammit.

But it's mostly due to smells that I can't stand this weather. Dry heat is one thing, a humid English summer is quite another. And I am yearning for the first fresh winds of Autumn. For a time when I can walk somewhere and feel comfortable, or even cold. I feel like I can't remember what it's like to be cold. I know, I have zero tolerance for this kind of shit. I want to see the leaves fall, and the wind freshen, and the rain to rain cold and the mulchy, comforting smell of fallen leaves to drift on the air. I want the air to feel fresh and the dew to feel cold. And I want it now.

Fuck off summer. You suck.

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