I should get out more.
You know, to pubs and clubs and places where other people are. That I should wander around town and get coffee in coffee shops and talk about bands that I'm going to see or that I have seen and buy things and then I think about how it's all just the same, no matter the year, no matter the town, no matter the people. No matter what you say it's all been said before, and the thing is, I get bored in pubs and I know what we're going to do and say and I can't get into buying things anymore and the only thing that makes me feel better is in my head when I write. And I am Sisyphus's pissed off sister because every time I think I've killed it and it's gone and I'm whole, it's back bam and I have to start again. I explained Sisyphus there to you in case you didn't know. What a pretentious one.
It's like fun has changed and it used to be booze and fags and gin and that and now it isn't because I've seen a million bands in a million bars and I've been to stand in fields where people play guitars and I've been to stand in massive great halls where people play guitars and it's all just guitars isn't it? Since I was 16 I have done all that and I'm bored now but I need something else. Now I write at home for hours at a time with no person or face to see other than mine in the bathroom mirror and I don't half not like mine. I want to hang drapes over the two mirrors because I am so sick of that face. How do we exist seeing the same face in the mirror every day of our lives, watching the flesh get looser and fall slightly off the bone more and more every year until we can only see ourselves when we look into our own eyes because we all think of ourselves as young as the sack of meat on us withers and loosens and slackens and dies.
Bit by bit.
Year by year.
I don't know how people today take so many self posed photographs for their Facebook pages. I see people take pictures every day like they are hoping their face will be different. But they all have the same expression. Constipated, pursed lips, weird angle to make anime eyes. If I take enough pictures then one day it will look different and I will get all the likes and my life will be complete.
Anyway, I should definitely get out more.