Friday, 15 November 2013

What do you need those for then?

I went to the chemist earlier because I wanted something to help with the fact that I feel like I'm swallowing half a gallon of cataarh every time I swallow.

They said there was nothing that could help so I bought some random stuff anyway.

While I was at it I bought some Imodium

I don't know whether you're familiar with this product but it's basically a tablet for diarrohea. Solely for that purpose. There is literally nothing else that it works for or on. No matter which way you look at it, if you're buying Imodium, everybody knows why. If you have diarrhoea then take one of those, you're grand for a couple of days. Anyone who has been a big drinker and/or drug imbiber will probably be familiar with it.

I like to have it in the house. After all,  IBS is a bitch and takes no prisoners. Plus I live like a boy scout (if he was a middle aged woman who's ill a lot) and like to be prepared.

I get to the counter. She eyes me suspiciously.

I'm buying paracetamol and the aforementioned Imodium.

She says: "Are you on any other medication?"

"No."

"Well, what do you need these for?" pointing to the Imodium.

Sorry, what? What do I need the diarrhoea tablets for? The tablets that are marketed SOLELY for diarrhoea? Those ones?

There is, naturally, a queue. And, although it may not seem like it from my apparent openness on this blog, I actually don't particularly want to discuss the state of my bowels with a shop full of strangers. And I'm pretty sure they're not interested either.

So I look askance and say: "Really?"

"We have to ask." (Not even slightly true, by the way).

"It's Imodium. And you can buy it on supermarket shelves."

"Why do you need it?"

Fuck me. I'm going to crush it up and snort it. I'm going to sell it at the school gates. I'm going to take 12 and never take a shit again. OR

"In case I get the shits."

I have literally bought full on Class As with less hassle.









1 comment:

  1. When I was a student (oh, so long ago!), I lived near a corner shop that sold a few basics that you'd normally go to a chemist's for - solely, I believe, so that the owner could humiliate his customers while they were buying them. A little old lady, buying laxatives, was told "Ah well, you'll be shitting through the eye of a needle in no time with them, love". I bought a box of condoms once: his response? "I didn't know you had it in you, you dirty little bugger - is she blind, by the way?" He also enjoyed telling women buying sanitary products that periods were "a bleeding waste of fucking time". He's dead now. And rotting in hell, hopefully!

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