Monday, 2 December 2013

And the rest of it...

I'm smashing up furniture, dismantling things I've had for years and getting rid of around 50% of my stuff. It's all very pleasing and cathartic. There is a slight concern that I will go too far and when I need to move into the next place I'll suddenly realise I have bugger all in the way of furnishings and fittings.

I'm liking the idea of shedding a lot of detritus for 2014.

Including the rest of my self help book library.

The very fact I bought some of these - and every single one has been read and, at one time, read over and over again - makes me want to give my past self a proper big cuddle. 

Trying to push my personality into the right mould for my partner took its massive toll and I seem to have apparently blamed myself for most things. And, in the way of women everywhere, tried to work out a way to make it all better. 

If only I was less jealous, less insecure, more laid back, more amusing, more confident, more, more, MORE then maybe this relationship will work and everything will be marvellous. So much upset and stress and worry and self hatred. And all because I couldn't just look at a situation and realise it for what it was. 

Sigh. Come here, past Deb. Have a little cuddle and a big old slap round the face for wasting so much precious time. 

Here we have: 

  • Why Men Love Bitches - really Deb? Really?
  • The Highly Sensitive Person in Love - oh dear. 
  • Jealousy: Why It Happens and How to Overcome It - we covered this in the last post. 
  • Overcoming Mood Swings - having read this and absorbed it, I would suggest this doesn't work. 
  • Obsessive Love - sigh. 
  • If This is Love, Why Do I Feel So Insecure? - I can't even.
  • Overcoming Low Self Esteem - I haven't. 
  • The Glass Half Full - it isn't 
  • Don't Call That Man - good advice
  • Fuck It - the tenets of Buddhism with added fuck words. 
  • It's Called A Break Up Because It's Broken - this one is actually good. Particularly for those moments when you start thinking about all the 'good' times. And then eventually realise that the 'good' times were the times when you were watching BSG with each other because you had nothing in common. 
  • How To Mend Your Broken Heart - Paul McKenna didn't make me thin, he didn't make me confident, he didn't stop me smoking but he may have been a bit helpful here. All meditation and visualisation based, it was good at the time I really needed it. As in, the time when I stopped eating food and lived on red wine for six weeks. 

These books reflect the years 2005 and 2008/9 respectively.

I am so happy that I am here now.

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