And I most definitely won't shit in the rain. She's got another thing coming if She thinks that's going to happen any time soon.
Am pretty sure She's wrapped around my tiny paw now. All I have to do is look at Her a certain way and She'll do whatever I want. It's ace.
For instance, sometimes I just don't feel like walking any further. There's no reason, but you know, sometimes a tripaw likes to be picked up. So I just look at her and next thing She's scooped me up and I get to have a lie down.
I have a collar of my own. I've never had one before. And I have a bone! I've never had one of them before either. Look.
She told me that the lady in Romania who looked after me after I got hit by that car has been in touch. I got a virtual kiss all the way from Romania! I don't miss the shelter though - there may have been 299 other dogs to play with but I like where I am now thanks very much. I'll most likely stay here for a bit.
I get to go for walks by this big thing She calls the sea. It's way too scary for me so I just stick my face into interesting things. About a gazillion dogs walk there and I get to smell all their secret messages. I also like to do my business on people's gardens. She keeps telling me to hold it till we get somewhere private but I like to waft it about. Good old Romanian poo that is, you don't get that very often.
We went to the sea and I am so cute that people kept stopping Her to ask about me. A nice old man with a beard gave me four treats all to myself. And then we sat in a cafe and everyone told me how beautiful I am. I like that.
I keep going to that vet woman though and they keep sticking things up my butt. That can stop please and thanks.
Every time we go for a walk She points this thing at me and asks me to look at her. I like to look up at Her and look absolutely beautiful and then turn away at the last minute so all she gets is pictures of my ass. This amuses me. And anyway there's way too much to do. Like sniff every single grain of sand on this beach. See.
I'm not used to walking like this - especially on three legs. Do you people know how difficult that is? I may have slipped in the sand and fallen face first today. But I'm pretty sure no one noticed. Yeah, I was cool. I totally didn't have sand on my nose.
I have to have a small nap after I get in from my walks. I like to lean on a human if at all possible. Any part of their anatomy will do. Here I chose a knee. The beauty of this choice is that I know for a fact She won't move until I wake up naturally and by then her leg will be completely dead. Hahaah. Humans are funny.