Friday, 24 January 2014

There must be something off about her

I was reading some bilge on the Internet earlier, much like you are now, and it was  about a single 32 year old woman who had chosen to make art her career, someone said: "She's 32 and alone and doesn't have children. There must be something off about her."

Hmmmm, I thought. Hmmm.

More and more I hear, see, overhear or read people being snarky about women purely because they are single. It is usually about women in their 30s. The assumption appears to be that they are single because no matter how hard they try, they just can't get one of those  gorgeous sexy man creatures to stick around.

You know. There must be something 'OFF' about her. It couldn't possibly be because she hadn't met someone she wants to give her time, energy and ovaries to. It couldn't be because she actually likes being single. It couldn't be because she has standards, self control and the wit to wait for someone who's  actually worth it? Or that she may have wasted her formative years on someone who wasn't quite 'the one' and since then has only met psychopaths, sociopaths, serial shaggers and men who are already taken even though they are extremely lovely? Or that the pool properly dries up when you get past 30. That's right, everyone's all busy being smug and together and married or whatever and going on holidays and doing lovely things and that doesn't leave many leftovers for the odd spinster hanging around.

It just fucks me off that it's 2014 and this is still the prevailing attitude.

And yes, I'm touchy because I've heard this shit for YEARS and I've been single for years and dealt with the barely  repressed derision and general confusion it seems to trigger in some people. Not all people, obviously. But definitely in some people.

'You a lesbian then?'

Yes that's right. I'm a fucking lesbian. Because if I don't have a man, I must be gagging for it from everywhere. I must be repressing my sexuality. I must be screaming 'shag me' to everyone I meet.

Or, I suck at  relationships. I suck at choosing the right kind of men (ie, ones that aren't controlling, abusive drug addicts) and then I suck at trying to make them work. And it means I've been far happier single.
So it'd be kind of nice if society as a whole stopped treating childless single women in their 30s and 40s as if there's something 'off' about them.

It's not 1867 anymore. The whole concept of the crazy spinster aunt should have gone the same way as frowning upon  sex before marriage. But somehow it hasn't.

I'm off to knit a cat while deciding how to break the news of my repressed lesbianism. 

1 comment:

  1. Apparently the term 'spinster' originally referred to a woman who possessed a skill and hence didn't need to marry.