Saturday, 19 April 2014

Sometimes in life you just got to pee

I had a revelation today. Perhaps it is the scent of the dying Lord in the air what done it. Perhaps it's because I'm contemplating the mystery and marvel of Easter and all that it means to us good folk. Whatever the reason, an epiphany was had.

Me and Sushi went for a walk. I've found a new route and it's the most glorious bluebell, bird, butterfly and beauty filled 45 minutes ever. You walk down to the bottom of the hill and then you actually start following those random signs that are posted in the countryside. I've always ignored them in the past, not quite believing they really go anywhere. It feels weird to randomly wander around the countryside on your own. With a dog in hand, it becomes normal.

So we cross fields and we talk to sheep and we look up up up and the sky is beautiful. Sushi has her nose in the flowers, in the verges and in the grass. I have my nose in the blossom and the bluebells. There's no one talking to me and I don't have mobile phone reception. It is, in short, perfect.

And then I feel it. The twinge that means I have go to the loo. For whatever reason I have a bladder the size of a pea. It has always been thus and it is the bane of my life. I can go to the loo just before I leave the house and five minutes later I'm desperate. It's got to be soon because it's ruining everything. I could turn back home or I could ask at the nearest pub/restaurant/shop but I have a small dog with me who really doesn't do well with being tied up outside places.

Or I could just ignore it. Mind over matter. Mind over... god dammit. I'm just going to wee here. In this field. By this tree. The only living beings who can possibly see me are those dumbass sheep and I'm not that bothered.

This is very against my nature. I don't do weeing in public. I don't like to become one with nature. I like a nice toilet with toilet paper and soap in the dispenser. But suddenly I'm sick of this dictating where I go. I want to continue this delightful jaunt. I don't want to go home. I don't want to deviate from my route. So fuck it.

And so I did a wee by a tree.

Sushi gave me a slightly incredulous glance, it's true. Which is a bit rich coming from a dog who needs me to take five bags EVERY walk. FIVE.

But I peed and the world didn't end. That's the point of this post. Sometimes, if you really need to wee, just pull your pants down and do it. Toddlers and dogs know what I'm talking about.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, just be sure to check over the line of bluebells before you start. Many a good picnic is ruined that way.