Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Who tamed Clooney?

Bad day for the ladies - particularly the young, nubile ones. George Clooney is reportedly engaged to British human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin. 

The 52 year old is finally hanging up his shagging shoes. Yah, he's 52. How did that happen? It's only five minutes since he was all dreamy on ER. Time really needs to stop. 

So what's she got that none of the others had? A vagina made of gold? 

She is, naturally, tall, very skinny and very gorgeous. But then so was everyone else he's been with over the last 20 years. 

Clooney was married in the late 80s and has gone on record approximately one billion times since his divorce in 1993 to say that he won't be getting married again. Nope. No siree. Marriage isn't for him. And then his star exploded and suddenly he could sleep with ANYONE IN THE WORLD. And then he could dump them and sleep with them again. And then sleep with their younger sister. And no one would say anything because he's George motherfucking Clooney. 

But here he is. Shackled to a lady. Amaze. 

So he's 52. Guess how old she is? Yup, 36. I expect he'll be congratulated on managing to not marry a woman in her 20s (Johnny Depp we're looking at you) but it's still a crackingly large age gap. I'd be more shocked if he was engaged to someone, gasp, his own age. But that doesn't happen does it? With these rich and famous and handsome men. Being with a partner in their own age range would be weirder than Tom Cruise admitting he's a gayer. 

What is it with men and younger women? And yes, I do ponder this as I advance on 40 with curious speed. Why is it that men of a certain age in Hollywood HAVE to go out with such young ladies? Would it be so strange for them to wake up next to a face with wrinkles? Is it because it reminds them of their own mortality? More likely it's just because they can. 

I daresay someone'll say it's a genetic thing and men are programmed to seek out the young and the fresh. I don't buy that. I think it's far more likely to be because these playboys of the Western world are in a constant state of self gratification. 

But why has Clooney stopped gratifying himself now? Well, it was either that or turn into Jack Nicholson and openly lech over the youngsters at awards ceremonies. And I'm sure he likes her a lot. And no doubt she likes him back. And they'll be happy together. Right up until she turns 45 and starts showing signs of aging. 

He'll be in his mid 60s then so just about ready to go after Jennifer Lawrence as she crashes out of her first marriage to Nicholas Hoult. You read it here first. Just wait - come 2024, you'll remember this and think back to the blogger who must be a WITCH. 


  1. Looking at photos of them, they don't look like a man escorting his daughter to a prom - they look great together. And, not only is she very beautiful, she's intelligent, successful, and very much her own woman - maybe she's engaged (pun intended) his mind, as well as his loins. My prediction, for years, has been that Clooney will eventually run for President - and Amal would make a perfect First Lady!

  2. The way they look together wasn't my point. At all.