Thursday, 8 May 2014

Life is like a box of chocolates

Forrest Gump. What a twat. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. That's the one quote I remember from the film, probably because that's as far as I got before I died from being patronised.

Films like that are one of the reasons I think Americans are mental. That they lap that shit up and hail it as a classic. The other reasons I think Americans are mental include Michael Jackson and Republicans.

Quite apart from this quote being completely facile and empty, it also doesn't even make sense. I don't know if that was a subtle piece of writing, perhaps to show the audience that Gump isn't the all American everyman after all, but that, in fact he is socially and mentally retarded. Or that to be a good person you have to be mentally defective? Is that what they're saying?

Because the thing is, with a box of chocolates you know exactly what you're going to get. If it doesn't show you on the outside of the box and by the name of the product, there will definitely be a small map of chocolates in the box. This renders the entire quote a big pointless pile of shit.

If I'm honest I don't really know what else happens to Forrest Gump apart from a highly improbable romance with a woman who wouldn't have touched him with a bargepole in reality, some running and some heavy handed moralistic hubris.

So yeah Forrest, life isn't like a box of chocolates you moron. It's more like a cheap Chinese buffet where you definitely don't know what you're going to get.

Next up my thoughts on such topical movies as Field of Dreams and Days of Thunder.

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