Friday, 6 June 2014

#100daysofsnark: Fuck football

Nah. It's not. It's not coming home. Not if, by home, you mean England. The English football team has about as much chance at winning the World Cup as Nick Clegg does of becoming PM.

But, as usual, that doesn't stop the groundswell of delusional optimism, headed up by such illustrious bastions of national pride as The Sun and The Mirror.

PC World or Currys or whatever the fuck the place is called that you can buy shitty overpriced electronics from, has been running possibly the most heinous advertising campaign ever. It's apparently the 1970s in Currys/PC World/whatever land. It's a world where wives exist to stop their husband's having any fun whatsoever and all football fans are late middle aged, obese guys who are trying to trick her indoors into buying a new TV so he can watch the football.

The joke, right, the joke is that he doesn't say that. He pretends it's for her to watch her silly soaps on, or her knitting programmes, or whatever things that the ladies like. One of them has a fat ugly bloke in a restaurant, wining and dining the missus (very much more attractive than him). He bangs on about buying a new TV so that she can watch the, er, soaps, yeah? Even though it's clearly because he wants to watch the footie with da ladz. AmIrite? It's so funny, right, because he's saying that and we can tell by her expression that she is annoyed, hurt and humouring him. You know, like Margot did with Jerry in The Good Life.

It's shit on every single level and sums up the level of gobshite that always surrounds the World Cup. I really really dislike the whole faux national pride bullshit that people are apparently partaking in. I hate the England flags everywhere. I hate the fact that when I went into Tesco today all the stuff I normally get had been swept out of the way in favour of actual walls of beer and shitty b-b-cue specials because clearly the only thing anyone wants now is to drink shit beer and eat horrible sub par meat that's been vaguely warmed over some coals in their back garden while they watch 'their' team crash and burn.

It's weird and embarrassing and I'm glad that they haven't released any shit World Cup team song this year. Have they? Maybe they have. Maybe it's Three Lions again. Remixed again. With Baddeil and Skinner increasingly aged and upset at the constantly decaying standards of the Beautiful Game.

And there ends Day 1 of #100daysofsnark. Do you think it'll catch on?

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