Quite a lot actually John Lennon, and all of it without a) breaking up the band and b) beating up my wife.
That is my least favourite Christmas choon. Who wants to be berated by a hypocritical multi millionaire pseudo hippy at Christmas? And war is not over just because you want it. And talking of multi millionaire patronising types, they do know it's Christmas in Africa Bob Geldof you div so leave that dead horse alone already.
As it's the end of the year, I'm naturally starting to berate myself for all I have failed to achieve in the 12 months preceding.
But this year is a bit different
I've actually achieved some things I have wanted for years. Serious.
- I have completed a first draft of my first book. This may not sound much but is essentially the culmination of about 20 years of wanting and failing and half starting and procrastinating and not bothering and doing work instead and a million other things. This inspired me to:
- Write short stories. Actually write them and finish them. My next challenge is to write one that isn't dark and about death and that. One step at a time.
- I have given up smoking. I am a woman with little will power. Or at least I have been. Perhaps I'm not anymore. Because I've actually done it. I stopped smoking. And it wasn't even that hard. I know that's not what you're meant to say, it's meant to be awful and involve vaping and patches and gum and relapsing and shit. And, you must understand that I've been smoking since I was 14. It was my crutch every time I got sad or upset (which is hella lots) and, even though I still want them from time to time, I've come to realise that cravings are transitory. If you don't give into them they pass. If you do give into them they pass. Either way they pass. So you may as well not give into them.
- I have adopted a dog. I cannot, without making you puke, describe the joy she has brought into my life. I can't believe I got so lucky with my pooch. I chose her from an internet photograph and, although I suck at online dating, I can apparently find the perfect dog for me just by looking in her eyes. Watching her grow and relax and show her personality has been a humbling and wonderful experience. She makes me smile every single day and I adore her.
- I have seriously started driving lessons.
- I've had further treatment for my utterly boring health problems and have some definitive answers. They're not the most direct or helpful - there is no path to curing me. The operation didn't fully work. But now I know and I am starting to come to terms with it, rather than resist the fact that I have it. It is my lot in life, and I am so lucky it's not something worse.
- I have volunteered for causes that I believe in, and it has meant I have been privileged, utterly privileged, to get up close and personal with some animals that are more important that anyone seems to realise. Bats are freaking awesome and vital for the equilibrium of our ecosystem. They're also cuter than cute can be and make the best faces when you feed them.
All of this is probably paltry by contrast. I haven't saved any lives and I haven't had a child or even managed to start a relationship that's worthwhile.
But it's small steps to the life I want and you gotta leave something for next year, right?