Monday, 7 September 2015

I'm no lady. Apparently

An old lady told me I wasn’t a lady today.

She was a racist nasty bigot  but because I’d said ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ she told me I wasn’t a lady.

I’d argue that being a racist old bitch makes her ‘not a lady’ but that would make me not a lady. Probably.

I lost my endo-weakened temper during my latest ‘discussion’ with the delightful people on this island who want to LOOK AFTER THEIR OWN before helping any Syrian refugees.

Of course, they can barely spell the language of their birth. You’d think if they care SO much about England, they’d learn how to MOTHERFUCKING spell.

A hardcore group of crones were jumping on anyone who said anything vaguely compassionate or supportive about the refugee crisis, sparked by a post about collecting left over tents after Bestival. 

Middle to old aged, ‘full time mummy’ under their profession, say lol and hun every second word, can’t write a sentence without misspelling your, you’re and their, always put kisses on the end, even when they’re spouting the most humungously horrible vitriol. Like “Well, I don’t think we should help anyone who isn’t from here. They’re dirty and they steal from you. I used to live in London and the refugees will steal all your stuff and shit in doorways. Do you want that on the island? They’re disgusting and vile and we need to keep the island for us. Lol. Hun. Xxxx”

I admit I got a leetle ratty and let slip with some fuck words.

Ignoring the fact that their views are only slightly less harsh than Hitler’s, they jumped on the fact I swore.

“Well, you swearing has just showed the kind of person you are. You’re just a bully. Your (sic) vile. Were (sic) only sayin wot peopl (sic,sic,sic) r thinking. Your not a lady.”

Once I’d deciphered this beaten to death remnant of a sentence. Once I’d been able to use my thick chav to English dictionary I realised that they were doggedly ignoring everything to do with refugees in favour of the fact that I said shit and fuck.

Course, I’ve never professed to be a ‘lady’. I don’t know what people even mean by this in the 21st Century.  

All in all, I’d rather be a sweary angry type who doesn’t think all refugees should die in a fire than an ill-educated chav moron who won’t help other human beings in need.

She also tried to insult my age. “How old are you? I bet you haven’t even lived through anything bad. I bet you don’t know anything about suffering.”

Judging by her picture the only suffering she has had to endure is when she was forcefed deep fried lard by someone for FIFTY YEARS.

The fact that we are only a couple of years apart seemed to throw her as she abandoned that argument.

Then: “Have you donated? I bet you haven’t.”


No reply.

A few more jumped on the bandwagon of being SHOCKED and APPALLED because a  woman said FUCK AND SHIT. As if these horrors are paragons of ladylike virtue what with their pretty strong views that no one ever should be helped by them, lest they lose their benefits and places for young Briterney and Cortnee to hang.

I hate these people. I hate them so much that somewhere along the line I realise that I am stepping into their shoes. They hate these refugees. I hate them.

I almost want western civilisation to fall, so that when we’re all scrabbling around in the fiery pits, with nothing left they will see and feel what it’s like to have no one help them. I’d like them to knock on the door of my makeshift bunker, desperate for food and help and I will LAUGH IN THEIR STUPID BOVINE FACES and then roast their offspring over a fire.


I wouldn’t, would I? I’d be all empathetic and try and keep them alive too. Because the human spirit in people who haven’t been lobotomised at birth is an irrepressible thing.


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