Tuesday, 13 October 2015
36 thoughts I had while binge watching The Following
When I was on holiday I watched one hour of TV. One. ONE. It was an episode of Bake Off (natch).
I read 16 books.
It was amazing.
Since I got back I have watched the entire two seasons of The Following, starring Kevin Bacon and James Purefoy.
It is about a serial killer/cult leader (Purefoy) and his Hannibalesque relationship with the cop who put him away but has unfinished business (Kev Bacon).
Kev has a drinking problem and a very, very predictable story arc.
Purefoy plays for laughs. I think.
I enjoyed binge watching The Following in much the same way I enjoy binge watching anything. I feel a bit dirty. Sticky in the brain. Quite a lot more stupid and a bit confused. Where did the time go? Why did I do that? Did I even enjoy it? It's much like being at university in the mid 90s all over again.
Here are some thoughts I had:
1. Has Kevin Bacon actually aged? At all?
2. No, he hasn't. Look at him.
3. So, he's doing this because he lost all that money in that Ponzi scheme, right?
4. When's he going to bust out a dance move?
5. When does he eat?
6. Or go to the loo?
7. How tortured can one person be? Has he thought about, like, not obsessively chasing this killer?
8. I would not like to be his friend. Every single friend of Kev's gets implausibly killed. Every one. Apart from Clare.
9. Bloody Clare.
10. Just how ridiculous can this plot line be? Seriously? A serial killer busts out of jail and has hundreds of brainwashed acolytes around the world just ready to kill for him? Even though he's kind of a pillock?
11. Christ, Emma's annoying.
12. Why is everyone having sex with anyone? Surely it's the last thing you'd be after if you've been finding dead bodies every five minutes?
13. Kev only has about three lines. "I'm going to kill you." "Kill me instead." "Not Clare. Nooooo."
Clare is the serial killer's ex wife who Kev, just after he put serial killer in jail, started banging. But when the serial killer was safely in jail decided that he couldn't be with her after all because he's part of her past or something so they don't get together. But now that everyone's in danger and JC (the serial killer) has had her (and his) son kidnapped, Kev does want to be with her again. Confused? It's basically all about Clare. And man, she is ANNOYING.
14. Footloose, Footloose, kick off your Sunday shooooeeesss
15. Kyra Sedgewick! That's her name.
16. JC seems particularly bland for someone who's meant to be able to commandeer and control people almost at will.
17. The Edgar Allen Poe thing doesn't really work after the first couple of episodes.
18. Everyone is compromised.
19. Everyone gets over their best friend being killed super fast.
20. The amount of people who have died in order to save Clare is, frankly, ridiculous.
21. Why is Clare so special anyway?
22. Clare must be the queen. She can order the FBI around.
23. Revenge killing is totally fine if Kev wants to do it, if anyone else wants to do it it immediately becomes a moral quandary.
24. Pretty sure Kev has now killed more people than the serial killer.
25. Clare's dead! Yayyy.
26. Oh no she's not. Great.
27. The serial killer's dead! Yayyy.
28. Oh no he's not. Great.
29. Kev is manifestly not dead. And still hasn't eaten or slept.
30. I wonder if this has put Kev back in the black.
31. James Purefoy is really quite a rotten actor.
32. It's finished.
33. I feel the blank nothingness of a serial killer's inner mind.
34. Was that meant to happen?
35. That was a lot of time.
36. I hate Clare.
I need to read a book. Quick. Any book. Doesn't even have to be that smart.